30 March 2007
4 March 2007

Edited By the Elevator - The Second Story

In anticipation of the coming Equinox, NURTZ is happy to present the last of winter's elevator gleenings. Just like our previous installment, it's all just part of life's ups and downs.

I hope everyone here is headed for the basement because I really need to take a dump!
Guy 1: My tooth is killing me.
Guy 2: You know what works great? Aleve!
Guy 1 (rolling eyes): Yeah, weed WOULD work great but I'm at work!

Guy 1: We've got that Ethics and Compliance exam today.
Guy 2: Give me your answers, okay?

Guy: I can't believe I got fired for banging a student.
Girl: It's in the handbook... "Instructors may not date students".
Guy: I wasn't DATING her, I was just fucking her!

Guy 1: You get drunk EVERY weekend?
Guy 2: Yeah, but I don't throw up or nothing.

Guy 1: So, what did you think of the casserole Laura brought?
Guy 2: I was like there was a potty in my mouth and everyone was invited.

Guy 1: ... we should talk her into passing those.
Guy 2: Taco meat pantyhose?!?

Guy 1: So, what do you think?
Guy 2: About what?
Guy 1: About Jenna.
Guy 2: What about her?
Guy 1: Do you think she's pregnant or just really letting herself go?

Girl: Did you just go outside for a cigarette?
Guy: I told you I quit!
(Girl looks at him skeptically)
Guy: Seriously! Smell my finger!

Guy 1: Burger King is great. You can get a cheeseburger without the cheese.
Guy 2: You can get that at McDonald's too.
Guy 1: I asked once. They gave me a hamburger.

Woman: You have no idea what misery is until your Chihuahua has an impacted anal gland.
Guy: I don't know... telling ME all about it runs a close second.

Guy 1: It's like I'm devolving into a lower life form. I'm such a beast now I'll never get a date. Hell, even I wouldn't date me.
Guy 2: Maybe you should lower your standards.

Guy 1: He reminds me of that douche in the movie.
Guy 2: What douche in what movie?
Guy 1: I can't remember the name. You know the guy that had the red Swingline stapler.
Guy 2: um... "Speed"?


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